I came back home to this. My poo bag playing this new millennials’ game called ‘ghoshiting’. It’s when your poo bag hides behind a white raincoat and tries to scare you.

And then, of course, there’s ghosting, which everyone knows what it is. Because it’s become a fashionable thing. Like saying that someone is a narcissist. But what about ‘orbiting’. Do you know what orbiting is? I didn’t until a few days ago. So I’ll assume you don’t either. It’s when someone ghosts you, but then continues to follow you on instagram and all these other media tools of social misery, occasionally interacting with you there. That way they keep their options open and you can continue to illude yourself undisturbed.

Now I don’t want to upset anyone, but I think this existed even before instagram or facebook or whatever. It’s like when someone doesn’t give a shit about you but then occasionally texts you to see if you’re up for, like, something. And then disappears again. No? I’ve had plenty of that in my life, I just didn’t call it orbiting. I just called them assholes.