I like to look out of the window at night, at the shimmering surface of the canal, lit by the factory lights, interrupted only, briefly, by the passage of a coot. Or by gentle, bubbling farts. Not my farts though, mine are silent, generally. The canal’s farts. The canal farts. It does. I read it this morning in the boaters’ facebook group. It happens when spring comes, the temperature rises and gas starts escaping from the bottom of the canal. Just like a fart! That’s why I feel so at home here. Now it all makes sense. The hot weather is also why the canal is currently full of shit, as it has led to what is called ‘turn over’, or when the shit which sits in the depths of the canal comes to the surface. A bit like a zombie movie. But for real.