That’s right. And that’s because now it’s snowing.

I got woken up by rain in the middle of the night and remembered I had not covered the deck where the engine is. So I was filled with dread at the idea that the engine room was gathering all that rain, because if there’s one thing that the boat owner’s has told me about 73 times is that I SHOULD MAKE SURE THE ENGINE ROOM IS DRY. He’s left me a pile of towels he stole from the gym and a pack of nappies. Yes, nappies. You throw them down there and let them do the job. Then once they’ve absorbed the sky’s pee, you CAREFULLY lift them up. CAREFULLY. Because they can break and then all that gelatine which is inside will get scattered all over the place. It’s genius. I’ve nearly run out of nappies though, so tomorrow I’ll have to go to the local Sainsbury’s and buy some because the engine room is very wet and apparently that’s not a good thing. Since I’m going to have to do that, I may as well pretend I have a small child. Maybe I will start telling the store assistant that my little one shits so much, you know, I will say, they shit so much when they’re just born – in fact that’s all they do, don’t you think? Eat and shit, shit and eat and sleep. Ha! Do you have children yourself? I wouldn’t know what more to say though because I don’t have children, as you must have figured out by now. But that line on eating-shitting-sleeping is a safe thing to say because I always hear people with children say that. It’s one of those conversations starters if you have a small child. Exactly like ‘it can’t rain forever’. Those public truths that everyone likes to agree on. I think I hate the phrase ‘it can’t rain forever’. Yeah of course practically it can’t. But sometimes it fucking rains for a fucking long time. It rains for weeks, months, years. Metaphorically speaking, yes? And when you’re there under the rain you can’t really think ‘oh yeah, that’s true, it can’t rain for ever, that’s what people say’. No you can’t because you’re under the rain and that reality is difficult to weather. Therapists tell you to remember that these are just emotions and they will pass. Yeah, right. Sometimes also, it does rain forever and then you die.

Enough. What about those nappies, would you want me to shit in a nappy instead of a plastic bag, just for LOLS? I accept suggestions.